This is my TEDx-style talk at UCLA that started it all.
The Good Girl is at the root of everything- the people-pleasing, the shrinking, the saying yes when you want to say no, and no when you want to say yes, the relationships that cost you yourself. She was never your personality. She was your survival strategy.
And she's been running your life ever since.
Watch this to understand where she came from. Then, when you're ready to stop letting her run the show- schedule a call. Let's change this together.
And somewhere along the way, you lost yourself.
Not because something is wrong with you. Because you learned early - that keeping the peace was safer than taking up space. That love felt more secure when you were easy, agreeable, and small.
Those patterns kept you safe then. They're running your life now.
It's an identity that was built for survival at 8 years old- still calling the shots at 38, 48, 58, 68.
And no amount of therapy, books, or podcasts has changed it- because information doesn't change identity. Insight alone doesn't change how you show up.
And your hormones didn't break you. They stopped covering for you. When they drop, the adaptive self you've been performing starts to crack- and the real you starts to surface. This isn't a hormone problem. That's an identity emergence
What you need is work that goes to the root.
We find the core attachment wounds, the beliefs, and the patterns that have been running your life- and we rewire them.
Not just how you think. How you actually move through the world.
Because confidence isn't something you find. It's something you build- one courageous action at a time. And this starts with the hardest question most women never let themselves answer:
Not what's practical. Not what everyone else needs from you. What do you want, and what's it going to take to get there?
That's where we start.
You leave as the woman who knows the answer to that question. Who trusts herself. Sets boundaries and holds them. Says what she means. Takes up space without apology. And has the courage to keep showing up for herself, even when it's uncomfortable, because that's where confidence actually lives.
Not a fixed version of you. The most you you've ever been.
You've thought about doing this kind of work- and something keeps stopping you. Not logistics. Something quieter than that.
You're stuck, and you can't move forward because you don't have the tools and no one has shown you how. You hesitate before speaking, then talk yourself out of it. You stay in situations longer than you should. You feel lonely even when you're surrounded by people. You keep asking, quietly: Is this it? Is this all there is?
It's not. But it won't change on its own.
I know what it feels like to not want to look. I said it out loud at my own bachelorette party- half joking, half not: 'I don't want to look inside myself. I'm afraid of what I'm going to see.' That fear is real. And it kept me from this work for years. What I found when I finally looked wasn't what I feared. It wasn't shameful or too big to come back from. It was just the truth. And the truth, with the right tools and the right guide, turned out to be the beginning of everything.
When my husband died suddenly, I didn't just lose him. I collided with wounds I had never been given permission to feel. Wounds from childhood I didn't even know were there, because I had been compensating for them my entire life.
Here's what I know now: most women don't realize how unsteady their foundation is until something big cracks them open. A death. A divorce. A loss that strips away all the coping strategies.
That's usually the moment they find me.
But the unsteadiness didn't start with the loss. It was always there. You've just been managing around it.
That's what this work actually addresses. Not the loss. Not the symptom. The foundation.
I reverse-engineered everything I learned from my own healing, and built it into the method I teach today.
If something in your life has cracked you open, or if you've just quietly known for years that something is off, this is the work.
Don't just take my word for it. Read the stories in the Testimonials section below
Not sure if you're ready? Start here. Take the free quiz- Why Do I Keep Doing This?!? - and find out which pattern has been running your life. It takes five minutes. It might change everything.
If you're ready to stop performing your life and start inhabiting it- let's talk.
You really are a remarkable example of what is possible in life.
I refer to you every moment of the day. You've made a remarkable impact on me in such a short period of time.
Overuse of "remarkable", BUT TRUE
Lainie is the gold standard- her coaching elevates my goals, honors my greatness, and keeps me aligned, accountable, and rising to my highest self.
Working with Lainie has completely changed the way I move through life. Through her Unbecoming Method Coaching, she helped me understand that so much of what I was experiencing day-to-day was shaped by old false beliefs. Together, we reframed the narrative, and in doing so, she helped me step back into my own truth.
There is a new brightness to my days now, almost like a quickening. I feel lighter, clearer, and more connected to myself. It's as if she helped me flip a switch I didn't even know existed.
And honestly... I got my mojo back.
Lainie holds a rare gift: she creates a space where deep healing feels safe, accessible, and empowering. The moment we log on, my heart calms down, my head clears, my breathing deepens. She guides you back to the parts of yourself that have been waiting to be reclaimed. If you are ready to break free from old patterns, remember who you really are, and step forward with confidence and clarity, her work is truly transformative.
I am profoundly grateful for her and the life that has opened up because of our sessions.
I grew up in a home where staying quiet was the smartest thing you could do. Where keeping the peace meant you were safe. Where adapting to what everyone else needed felt like love- because it was the closest thing to it I knew.
So I learned early: shrink. Don't ask for too much. Don't feel too much. Don't want too much.
From the outside, I built a successful life. But underneath it, I was still running the same survival system I built as a little girl.
Then my husband died suddenly.
And everything I thought I could rely on stopped working.
Here's what I didn't understand then: I wasn't just grieving a loss. I was colliding with wounds I had never been given permission to feel. Attachment wounds from childhood that had never been addressed, never been named, never been healed.
I didn't feel safe opening up to anyone. I didn't know how to be vulnerable. No one had ever shown me.
So I got stuck. Not just in grief- in everything. Afraid to move forward. Afraid to be seen. Stalled by patterns I couldn't even name yet.
For ten years I carried grief I couldn't touch, wounds I couldn't name, and a life that looked fine from the outside and felt unbearable from the inside.
I remember saying it out loud at my own bachelorette party- half joking, half not: 'I don't want to look inside myself. I'm afraid of what I'm going to see.' That was me. Keeping the lid on. Because looking felt more dangerous than exploring what dysfunction I suspected was inside, unaddressed.
Until I was coached.
For the first time, I had tools that worked at the root — not just strategies for thinking differently, but a way of actually healing what was underneath. I moved through the grief I had been unable to touch. I found the courage to be vulnerable. I started taking steps I had been too afraid to take — not because the fear disappeared, but because I finally had something solid underneath me.
Self-trust. Confidence. The ability to actually feel safe in my own life.
And then I reverse-engineered everything I learned — and built it into the method I teach today.
The Unbecoming Methodâ„¢ is built on what I lived, researched, and tested. We work at three levels: the root- where the patterns came from; the beliefs- what they taught you about yourself; and the behavior- what you actually do differently starting now. Not from the outside in. From the root up.
This is not insight work. I'm not interested in helping you understand your patterns from a safe distance. I'm interested in helping you change what you actually do — in the conversations that matter, in the relationships that cost you, in the moments you go quiet when you should have spoken up.
I'm a #1 bestselling author,Identity & Behavioral Rewiring, Reinvention, and Confidence Coach and Mentor for Women 35+, and speaker specializing in identity-level transformation.
Co-author of Business, Life, and the Universe alongside Marci Shimoff and Janet Attwood.
But more than any credential: I have done this work myself. I know what it costs to stay in patterns that don't fit anymore. And I know what it feels like when they finally shift.
It is possible to be both empowered and loved.